Interviews >> Nick                                                                         

Nick

(USA via Great Britain)

Pg.: 1,2,3

...continued

10. Accomplishments, exports and
the entrepreneurial spirit.

Cristina: Do you think that at your age you have accomplished more in America than you could have accomplished in England?

Nick: Yes. Work-wise for sure. In England I couldn’t have gotten nearly as far as I got here. For somebody my age to have twenty something people under supervision is very unusual. In a few start-up companies maybe but in a traditional company it’s not going to happen.

Cristina: Do you sense the American cultural export to England, both work-wise and otherwise?

Nick: Definitely in work. You see workers comp ads such as “Were you injured at work, call…”; you wouldn’t have seen that 10 years ago. All the credit card culture, the adverts, they are coming from the States. Back in the days a credit card was this holy thing. Why would you possibly ever need one?

Cristina: How about the entrepreneurial spirit, the American dream of starting a company and making a million bucks in the first year? Even if you fail, you pick yourself up and start again. Is it the same in England?

Nick: Not really. People do start a lot of businesses over there also. There are a lot of start-ups but they don’t think they are going to make a million bucks in the first year. It’s usually a much smaller operation.

People want to be in control of their lives, be their own boss and make a steady living. People don’t say I’m going to start a company, I’m going to employ 50 people, I’m going to borrow a bunch of money and take these huge risks. It’s very conservative and they have operations such as plumbing, repairing PC’s. People say “I’m going to make a decent living, maybe in 3-4 years I’m going to hire somebody else to work for me.”

You do see some companies that are doing it the American way. But even in the U.S., you don’t see the high risk mentality everywhere. It’s more prevalent in California and in the software industry but the majority of the other industries and places is a lot more conservative. I do think that here people have a lot higher expectations.

10. On the lighter (or maybe heavier?)
side of life… how about the girls?
And a little bit of household politics.

Nick: British girls are generally far less demanding. I think in general English guys are less able to supply anything anyway...

They tend to be more down to earth, easier going, easier to talk to. Far more likely to have an interest in something scientific or something they really want to learn or do; more likely to read and want to understand things than they are to put make-up on and wear pointy shoes all the time. But it’s not necessarily easier to date girls there. There are issues of communication. Even though people tend to have low expectations, people do have hidden expectations that surface later on and say “I really want more”.  Also girls are not as cute as they are in the U.S.

Cristina: Is it true about the bad teeth?

Nick: I don’t know… not really.

Cristina: Household politics.

Nick: It’s very common for an English guy to have no clue over how to work any household appliance.

One of my friends who is in his early forties and lives in the U.S. was once home alone with the kids. His wife went to England to visit her family. He had never been alone his entire life for more than a day without her being there. He didn’t know one of his kids had asthma, couldn’t work the laundry machine and wore different clothes every single day, had to order pizza every night, couldn’t find the cleaning supply that were outside the house in the door cover… no clue. But then you look at Jewish people here – they live the same way. It’s not necessarily country wise but more for different groups of people. Very traditional.

Cristina: In those cultures women keep the house and go to work.

Nick: In England it’s seen as a bad thing to have somebody come into your house and do cleaning work. It’s seen as a sign that you can’t keep a clean house. The lady of the house gets a bad rap. It’s her job.

Cristina: What do the guys do?

Nick: The guy cuts the grass, changes a light bulb and chases the spiders away. He usually deals with the money.

Cristina: Divorce?

Nick: At least 40%. I think it’s harder to get divorced over there. If you live apart for 3 years you can go to the judge. If you want to go before then you have to have a good reason and you don’t get as much fighting over the assets. There is an agency for child support, they come after the guy to pay money but people’s salaries are already sort of low. Plus education is free so people just apply for the state to sponsor them.

11. The melting pot and the immigration issue.
Are they easier across the pond?

Nick: I don’t think we have as much of the ethnic tensions that there are in big cities here. The people who have problems with the “minorities” are usually the drunks – and there is a big alcohol problem in England. Often when people get drunk they also get violent. Here it’s more monetary. It’s who you know. In England it’s who you were born to.

Cristina: Is it easier to immigrate to England?

Nick: I think so. The laws are more lenient and I think the immigration officer has a lot more discretion. It’s not quite as strict. There are a lot of Indian people, Chinese people, Middle-Eastern people.

Cristina: What’s the word in the street? Is that alright?

Nick: Yes. Very much so. There is a certain group that’s very against it but you have groups like that everywhere. A lot of it comes down to sports unfortunately – soccer. People will drive 100 miles to watch their team play. It doesn’t matter what country you are from, if you support the team that they don’t like they are going to find a way to hate you. Literally. If you wear the wrong uniform and you get pulled over, people will physically attack you.

Soccer is such a big thing in England. It’s like you are insulting them personally if you don’t like the team that they support. And the funny thing is that the teams have less and less English people in them. There are more people from all over Europe. And yet the people who support those teams are willing to insult any foreigner that doesn’t support the team that they support. It’s pretty ugly.

It cuts across all social groups. Recently at some soccer matches in Portugal some doctors were arrested for violence. People who are well off and educated are part of it too.

You also see a lot of gang type stuff, in London especially. Generally they tend to be pretty racist. They have the lovely British national party that basically is our version of the Ku-Klux-Klan, get the foreigners out. They actually got one seat in the government in the last election. It’s a bit sickening.

Cristina: You know how people say it’s a “melting pot” but it’s not really, there are enclaves. People hang out with each other, they still speak Russian, Chinese or whatever language they grew up with.

Nick: It’s pretty much the same in England. But I think you have less overall aggression. The police are a lot less violent in England. I think the police incite a lot of racial incidents here where you see them chasing black people, beating them. You don’t really see the English police doing the same kind of thing. Even if you see them picking up non-whites more often than not, and foreigners, they don’t have guns, they don’t beat people. They are less likely to use violence so I think there is less trigger.

I think a lot of the people who come to England come from places that are a lot worse and they don’t want to cause any trouble. They hope it will go away after a couple of generations. Many come from countries that are not as open and free. Especially people from the Middle East. Although many people from the Middle East retain the behaviors they grew up with. You see many wearing the parka for instance. I’ve never seen anybody wearing that here.

I didn’t realize it at the time but in the area where I grew up the population was 99.9% white. They had a poll a few years ago. It just never really occurred to me. It doesn’t even occur to you at the time. At the university two thirds were from a different culture. Of the one third of natives, some of those had parents who grew up somewhere else.

12. The very elusive “Feeling at home”.

Cristina: You told me once that you don’t feel at home in England anymore but you are not quite at home here either. What is it? What makes you feel at home?

Nick: I don’t really know. When I’m here I think sometimes that I miss my family. When I get back there I don’t want to be with them. It’s strange because you are in a sort of artificial situation. If I’m in England I’m a guest. But then I think what I miss about here is that I can do what I like. When I’m on vacation in England I’m constrained by what everybody else wants me to do even if they mean the best. I have to see my parents, grandparents, my sister, my brother, my friends, and then it’s time to come home.

13. Personality as a national issue.

Cristina: You know how countries have personalities like people do…

Nick: Maybe…

Cristina: …a few words about the Brits and a few words about the Yanks…

Nick: The English generally are a lot more conservative in terms of risks but I think they are more liberal in behaviors as long as it’s not shoved into your face. Whereas in America people are far more conservative over what you can or cannot do in a lot of places.

I think people take a lot more risks here to own stuff. We like to grow things and have big things. There is this overpowering need to have everything. In England they are happier with what they have, somewhat less than here. They have more consideration for others, far more likely to be considerate to someone on the freeway. People don’t necessarily have to be friends for them to be polite. If someone in the U.S. knows that there is a big chance of seeing that person again then they treat you differently. In England there is the concept of what they call “the common good”. People do something that is not necessarily good for them but good for a larger group of people. That doesn’t really exist very much here. I think that was another consequence of the war. If you did something that wasn’t necessarily good for you but would help the country as a whole, it was worthy and praised.

There is also this impatience; people want things to happen immediately. If something takes more than 5 minutes people are off doing something else. Fast food, fast movies, fast this, fast that. It has its good sides but it can get annoying sometimes. You get that in England for sure. Even if it gets done the same way, because it was done by them then it’s okay.

14. Nostalgia and … yes … a bit of
sentimentality. For good measure.

Cristina: Do you ever get nostalgic for England?

Nick: Yes. I get nostalgic for the tube. It’s comforting to get a ride.

Also, people were kind of simpler there. It’s good to see that sometimes. The way people act is more – not naïve, but you get to know them better and they are more relaxed. I do think there are lots of bad things in England – I don’t like the food and I don’t like the pubs, the dingy, smelly, old type.

I get nostalgic over walking to places, walking in the street. I miss the book shops. You find a lot less best-sellers and a more personal collection of the shop owner. On the other hand here you can find a lot more books that you’d never see there. I used to spend a lot more time with my friends and had time to go out, talking, talking with each other, every weekend. 

I miss the English chocolate.

13. The end.

And so it was. Thank you, Nick, for participating in this project. The first time I go to England I’ll make sure to get you a pound of your favorite English chocolate – and a picture of the tube.

Nick recently quit his job as a software engineer in Los Angeles. It has been reported that he now spends his days snorkeling off the coast in Malibu, which means (we are proud to say) he has overcome the “hoarding habit”. He travels around the United States, reads and writes books, sees his friends, goes hiking and is, all in all, pretty happy. For comments or feedback write to the editor@sentimentalrefugee.com.

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